So...

A lot of stuff happened today.

I didn't go see new moon last night at midnight because I have young children and parents of young children rarely get to spoil themselves with things like midnight releases.

It was my plan to go see New Moon next week - probably Wednesday.

Then today happened.

This morning I found out that my dad died.

He died on Monday, and I found out this morning (Friday).  I don't know what of, or how.  I don't know anything about it because the only reason I know about it at all is because an old friend of my mom's read his obituary in the Grand Island newspaper, found my mom on facebook, and told her.

My dad never knew about me, and all I ever knew about him was his name and that he had two sons from a previous marriage before he and my mom briefly dated in the early 80s.

Thanks to his obituary, I've learned that in 1985 he married a woman named Margaret and has been with her ever since.  They lived in Colorado for the last however-long, and on Monday he died.

About five years ago, when I was in college, I tried to find him.  I wanted to know who my dad was.  I did a little searching and found a man, by his name, living in some small town in Colorado, and according to the internet searches he was with a woman named Margaret.  I had a letter written out and everything, trying to figure out if he was the same guy who had been with my mom all those years ago.

I think I even had a stamp on the letter, and had it in an envelope.

But I chickened out.  I convinced myself that the guy I'd found probably wasn't even the right one, and I never sent the letter.

But he was the right one.
I found my dad, and never followed through with it, and now he's dead and I'll never know him, and he'll never know me.

I think it was the regret that got to me the most.
I mean, I never knew him.  I lived my whole life with it being just me and my mom.  And that's okay.
But finding out today, that he was dead, really... I don't know.  It really messed me up.

So I went home from work early because I couldn't get anything done anyway.

I crawled into bed and escaped everything in the glorious world of unconsciousness.

My husband, however, always has this need to try and fix everything.  I cope with stuff best by being alone.  He copes with stress and distress by being close to people.  So he has a hard time accepting that when something is upsetting me, that I honestly just want to be alone.

So while I'm resting, he's trying to figure out different ways to try and make it all better.  He comes in and wakes me up telling me that he got tickets to the 4pm showing of New Moon, even though it was sold out.

I really did not feel like going to a movie today.

I mean... REALLY didn't feel like seeing a movie today.  I mean, fuck... my dad died.  I didn't want to go see a movie.

But I knew he was just trying to help.  He wanted to make things better, and he'd already paid for the tickets.

So I reluctantly crawled out of bed and we went and saw the movie.

So I'll say I'm glad.  I have effectively been distracted.  It actually did a really good job of getting me out of my emo rut, and I feel a lot better.

On top of that, the movie was amazing.  It was so much better than the first one.  The direction, production quality, pacing, effects - everything was so much better than the first.

I would even say that I liked the new moon movie MUCH better than the book.  But New Moon is my least favorite of the twilight books - in fact, it's the only one that I could never ever re-read.  Just way too much emo and misery.  Plus I hate Jacob Black.  I really do.
But I did not hate Jacob in this movie.  It was a really good movie.

Even my husband, whose only appreciation of twilight is that it's gotten me writing smut, actually enjoyed the movie.

So I'm doing okay right now.  Which is pretty amazing considering how very not-okay, I was earlier today.